If there has been a consistent message I’ve heard these past few weeks, it’s that every emotion is normal. Sad? It’s normal. Angry? It’s expected. Tired and disappointed? Normal. Grateful? Also normal. 

I’ve held off on doing any reflecting for a while because, to be honest, I wasn’t even sure how I was feeling and it seems to drastically change every day. I’ve also had such little quiet space to think and be still that the most thinking I get done is in the shower during the early mornings. But now, five weeks into this situation, I’ve been able to sort through a lot of the emotion and at the risk of contributing to “highlight reels” by keeping it all private and only sharing the best moments, I’m going to share it here -- the highs and the lows. This is basically what I want to say when friends ask me, “how are you?” except they might seriously tell me shut up and encourage me to just say “we’re good.”

A quick note before I start: I acknowledge that I am very fortunate to still have a job, to have a spouse with a job, to have healthy family members, to have a home to shelter in, to have money in a savings account, and everything else that makes me privileged. And, I have also learned that it’s okay to share your own grief without comparing it to someone else’s. (It is grief, by the way, I’ve learned that as well) The incredible Brene Brown says it this way: 

Comparative suffering corrodes compassion and connection - Brene Brown

I can tell you what I’m grieving and also acknowledge that millions of people have it worse than me. That doesn’t change anything for either of us. I’ve also read it summarized this way: If we hold back from sharing our real emotions because someone else might have it worse than us, that’s like telling yourself your joy is invalid because someone had it better than you.

The fact is, you can acknowledge your grief without comparing it to someone else’s. And I’ve also learned to hold grief and joy in the same hand -- sometimes in the exact minute. 

So, with that said, maybe something from one of these three lists will encourage you today - help you feel less alone or simply realize that it’s okay to want things to be different and also understand and acknowledge why they have to be this way right now.

Looking back at the last five weeks, I’ve had some really good days.

The best days have included some form of the things on this list:

• Limiting myself to news twice a day -- I read the Wake-Up Call from Katie Couric every morning (link) and I watch the NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt at 6:30. 

• At least 20-30 minutes of exercise -- either walking the dog or doing a quick workout from my Pretty Muscles Erin Oprea app

• Accomplishing something from my own to-do list -- posting a blog, updating my website, or making progress on a project but keeping it realistic and giving myself permission to not get it done, too

• Having one-on-one time with each of my boys and being present in the moment, leaving the work to-do list aside as best I can

• Offering to help my husband with something - most times, just listening to what happened in his day without trying to help or compare

• Giving back or helping someone else -- sending an encouraging message, helping a client, or texting someone to check on them.

And with the reminder of how I opened this post, here’s what I am grieving in the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic:

• The loss of my routine and rhythm I worked really hard to create. As an entrepreneur who has worked from a home office for the past three years, having a routine and rhythm is absolutely essential. And because I’ve always been juggling also running a household, being a mom and wife, and involved community member - rhythms are pretty much critical. Now, the systems I created to keep myself balanced and productive are gone. My deep work days (where I spend 3-4 hours working with zero distractions) are gone. I’m lucky to get one or two hours at a time, at best, and that’s now in a shared office space with my husband who is temporarily working from home. 

• My boundaries are all messed up. I typically keep all of my work in my office space. When I leave that space, I also leave the work mindset as best as I can. Now, I’m lugging my box of notebooks and folders and planner up and down the stairs, squeezing in work at the kitchen table while my 10-year old works on his schoolwork (and talks...a lot). I’m up working on a Sunday morning to write this post because I knew it would be quiet and the words were on my heart. My boundaries are literally gone and I fear it will be really to hard to get them back.

• Missing birthday adventures. My boys turned 10 and 14 this month and neither was able to celebrate with friends and family. We did the best we could here with cookies from my super-talented friend and wife of my nephew, their favorite cakes (which I had to bake myself - gasp), presents ordered online (most arriving on time), and FaceTime with some extended family. But typically they get to go on a trip with friends and I think everyone missed that this year. 

• Uncertainty. For the past three years, I’ve been booked solid with clients. I’ve never had to advertise to get clients and most times, I have a waiting list. And now for the first time, my pipeline for summer and beyond feels uncertain. I serve primarily nonprofits and I fear they will pull back on marketing budgets (though I certainly hope not) and may not prioritize their digital marketing needs. I’ll understand, of course, but the uncertainty is unsettling.

• I miss my days off. When I was in my rhythm and routine work, I had specific routines for my days off. Coffee with a friend. A trip to my favorite stores or reading a book outside. I’m still trying to take one day off a week but that day now also includes helping my kids with school (I’m not confident enough to call it homeschooling -- it’s more like supervision!) Those days also included a housework routine that kept me caught up on laundry and cleaning and all the home-things...we won’t even go there, haha! 

• Of course, I miss my family. My mom and stepdad are both in high-risk categories and we haven’t seen them since early March and my dad is pretty much stuck in Florida where he spent the winter. My brother is still working and his girlfriend works at a hospital so we haven’t seen them either. It makes me very sad. I did get to see one of my nephews through the screen door this month but my other nephew is away at boot camp.

And, to balance out that list, here are the positives - the bright side I’m trying to focus on and remember in the midst of the hard days:

• My kids are 14 and 10 and basically self-sufficient. My youngest needs help getting started on the school work but he likes school and has never really complained about the work. Plus, he has an amazing teacher who has done Zoom sessions with the class nearly every day and it’s really good for him. 

• My 14-year old has done awesome. He’s making himself a school schedule for every week and staying accountable with his teachers. Again, he’s never really complained or given me any grief about getting the work done. (Getting him out of bed at a decent hour is another story!)

• We’ve discovered some really great apps for both of them and I think they are both reading more, thanks to the Epic app. (free for 30 days but I think we’ll subscribe and keep it). 

• The boys have played well together and really surprised me. There have been moments (aren’t there always?) but overall, they have gotten along really well and this isn’t always easy with a four-year age gap. They’ve been creative (not their go-to mode), they’ve stayed active playing Wii sports, they’ve helped with the dog, and they’ve reminded me that I am so, so lucky to have my family safe at home. 

• I’m still trying to listen to my favorite podcasts (though the time for that has seriously dwindled away). Whenever I’m listening to Armchair Expert or Goop or Brene Brown and out walking the dog, I almost feel like it’s a normal day and everything is fine.

• Door Dash - need I say more? 

• My husband is working from home temporarily and though sharing my office space has taken some getting used to, I’ll admit I like having him here. There’s no more wondering when he’ll be home for dinner, we’re eating lunch together some days, and just being able to grab a hug throughout the day helps so much right now. Plus, on the mornings he takes the dog to daycare, he brings me back breakfast :)

• I’ve also been able to help several clients with using their website to adapt to the new circumstances and that feels great -- to have a tangible way to help in these awful circumstances. 

Wherever you are, whatever highs and lows you’re having, I hope the highs will outweigh the lows. I hope each day will be filled with at least one bright side moment and that above all, you’ll give yourself grace on the hard days. I’m wishing anyone who might stumble upon this post good health and happiness and brighter days ahead.

Until next time, be well and keep making a great first impression online. 

Andrea